Ever felt hot tears of Frustation and what to do with them

So yesterday was a day where I was frustrated, nearly to tears. (well they welled up and were stuck in the corner of my eyes)

I was on a coaching call, and it was my turn to be coached, and I’ve been working on something very intense, and it was really doing my head in. Can you relate?. So it was my turn, I hopped in the hot seat. And things started to heat up quite quickly.

I was trying to explain what I was doing, and the information that was coming back was just not gelling with me. I felt unheard. I felt belittled, which then led to shame that I didn’t know what I was doing. I felt out of control, which is a shadow of mine that I’ve been aware of. And also, I was feeling resistance.

My coach was doing her best to work me through this, but it felt like I’d heard this all before, again, resistance, and I just needed…. well I actually didn’t know what I needed to tell you the truth. So there was a moment where I just felt like giving up. But I knew that was a fleeting moment because when I feel challenged to give up, it makes me go even harder.

So, I took a breath. I leaned back from the computer and just listened. And then I could feel the frustration tears well up in my eyes, and I knew something was out of alignment for me. So with that, I got off the call saying to her “ok I will work on this” but knowing I had no intention of doing it.

And instead of my normal, go-to is, which is to roll up my sleeves and get back in and just start doing the work praying that it will all flow. I got up moved away from my desk, grabbed my dog and went for a walk.

When I got outside, it felt cold, but also the air that was coming through was fresh and open. And I just started pondering what had just gone on for me in that call.

It was no fault of my coaches in any shape or form (she is the reason for me taking big actions and I pay big $$ for her to gently kick my butt when I need it and tell me truth bombs). This is the reason you get coaches and mentors, is to reflect back to you, what is not working for you. They are there to help you break through to the next step. But when you have resistance. It feels very different.

I looked at that resistance, and really just felt it. Just felt what was going on in my body, what my mind was telling me what my blocks were indicating to me. And I just kept walking. I kept walking, tossing the ball to Nala (my dog) and watching how much joy she was in just being able to attempt to jump (she missed) and grab that ball mid-flight. I didn’t need to process anything, but I was just in the feeling of what’s going on really for me.

And then it hit me. I was up-levelling. And you’ve probably seen that I love the book. The Big leap by Gaye Hendrix. This is an upper limit problem. I knew that when I finished this piece of work I was working on (and giving me the sh**) that this would open the doors for me in a whole different way. And I would have to uplevel my business, I would have to let go of what I was comfortable doing and I would have to get out of the excellence zone and really truly embrace my Genius zone.

I would have to show up as a different person, perhaps, not a better person, just a person who was even more aligned with my full potential, and one that didn’t get distracted with perfection, Control-ism & resistance.

And so I came home with the dog then, I picked my kids up from school I took them to the sports and work, and just let that piece of work that I had to get back to sit. It would still be there in the morning.

That night as I lay my head on my pillow I was still thinking about the day. I put on an audiobook about shadow work, and just listened without trying to analyse and work things out, I just listened. And then I woke up this morning, full of enthusiasm, full of, “this is a new day”. And let’s tackle this work that I had to complete with new eyes. And so this is what happened.

I completed my project within 60 minutes (the rough draft) . I then sent it to my mentor to have a look over. I acknowledged to myself the frustration and the tears, was really resisting this upper level that I was going through. Of course, there’s always work to do. Even when you think you’re living on purpose, the universe/god/creator/goddess still requires you to expand.

Expand out of your comfort zone

Expand into new ways of thinking and being

Expand more into love and gratitude for what is present for you.

And also to remember that the universe/god/goddess/creator is always conspiring for your success, not for your failure. It is when you meet resistance, and have a breakthrough that you get to the other side of that, but it takes self-love, self-care, compassion, gratitude, thankfulness that you get to experience all of these, even if you think they’re shitty, and without going into blame of others.

We can easily if not conscious about things go into oh “It’s their fault, they don’t understand me as I’m a really special snowflake 😉 or going into past places where you weren’t so successful, and you believe this is just that pattern happening again.

You are a soul of immeasurable consciousness, creativity, love, light expansiveness and when we forget that resistance can come up.