Answering the call of your purpose with Natalie Anne Murray
Full transcript of call
Luanne: Alright, here we go! We are live! So welcome everybody to Answering the Call of Your Purpose Podcast! I’m Luanne Mareen and I just want to quickly remind you of why we’re doing this podcast.
I’m all about Purpose and I would love others to be inspired, to find it, to express it and so I’ve taken it upon myself to call in amazing women and men like the beautiful Natalie Anne Murray that is here with me today where we can just have a really casual open chat, whatever’s going to come out of this and you take what you want, you leave the rest and let’s get started! So my beautiful guest today is Natalie Anne Murray, welcome!
Natalie: Thank you so much Luanne! I’m really happy to be here!
Luanne: Beautiful and I know it’s been a bit of a journey to get this done but I’m not going to do this big whole intro about you because I’m going to leave that for you. What I want to bring up is, I actually loved going to your website and on your About Me page. You talk about your superpowers and your superpowers. What are those unconditional love, humour…
Natalie: I want me to remember what I wrote on my website
Luanne: Yes and I think it was… I’m trying to get there’s some boundaries right? Something about boundaries like you to me and you’ve claimed this, you are the Boundary Queen!
Natalie: I am the queen of the Boundary Queens!
Luanne: Yeah the queen of the queen!
Natalie: That is what I have claimed in the last eight weeks!
Luanne: Beautiful! So it was unconditional love, honesty and humor. And I just thought, “wow! superpowers love them!” You’ve claimed them you’re the boundary queen so I just want to jump straight in and tell us what you do and where you’re pulling in from today? What are you doing right now?
Natalie: I live in Newcastle in New South Wales in Australia and I work online. Totally online. I call myself a relationship specialist and I’m affectionately known as Queen of the Boundary Queens since I claim that and what I do is I specialize in helping high achieving spiritual female leaders to master their boundaries. These are the kind of women who know they should have good boundaries but they don’t. I help them to master it so they can confidently live true to themselves and really feel like they’re walking their talk and actually enjoy the successful personal and professional relationships they know they actually deserve and I do this in two ways; now I run a small intimate online group program just for women and I call that Boundary Queens and that’s a six-week course. We go deep into it boundaries and then I also work one-on-one with women who recognize they have much deeper chronic deep rooted issues inherited patterns of not being able to speak up, not feeling their feelings, feeling scared, shame guilt all that stuff that a lot of women feel about showing up, speaking up and being who they really are. And that is an intensive six-week one-on-one process where we clear those issues at the deepest route with a female specific tool that I use with lasting guaranteed results. So that’s what I do these days but it was a long journey to get there as you know?
Luanne: Yes! Well that’s what I was gonna say I was like, “well we’ve been friends for a few years now
Natalie: Probably a good five and a half years
Luanne: Oh at least! And seeing that change like which different areas you were championing and claiming and then it just must have dropped but what led you to that dropping? Do you know what I was saying?
Natalie: Oh so many things like in my personal life and like what I was doing in my life before I became an online person was I worked in mental health and healing from child abuse and trauma and addiction recovery and all that kind of stuff. So that was my professional life but what was happening in my personal life as well. So I was one of those professionals who had a whole lot of family problems behind the door thinking, “Christ! I hope nobody finds out how stuffed up my own family is” you know what I mean?
And I’m giving all this advice to people and I just felt like the biggest fraud I really did and it wasn’t until I was about 30 when my own kind of family just dynamics completely broke down. My daughter ran away from home, my husband and I were on the brink of divorce all of that stuff, that my own stuff came up like really to the forefront out of denial and it came into my face that you’ve got a lot of issues, you’ve got a lot of pain, you’ve got to deal with that.
So the first thing I did was actually go and do a lot of inner child work around actually acknowledging my abuse and trauma and I was a sexual abuse survivor and I lived in a home where there was generational sexual abuse, generational abuse issues so I spent 10 years working on that and helping other people working through their issues. But the most important thing I learned the very first week that I did my first healing retreat ever was somebody said to me not you have the right to say no and I’m like what the hell? It was like mind-blowing! I literally could not remember a woman in my family ever telling me I had the right to say no.
Women in my family didn’t, that just was not even part of our paradigm. The men were in charge, the women just did what the men said. That was it and that was my first understanding of boundaries and I’m like, well I’m 30 years old how come nobody’s ever said this to me? And that’s where the little seed was planted in me and then for the next 10 years, I led healing retreats and things and I always came back to boundaries because all these people were victims of abuse right? And what was the key missing skill? Boundaries; a sense of self, a sense of your own power, a sense of the fact that you have your own choices. You have your own feelings, you have your own thoughts right? So that was my passion back then and for 10 years, my clients, my peers, my friends all just said that you’re a boundary queen and I didn’t say oh yeah well it’s just a thing no big deal whatever.
Then when I came into the online world, five and a half years ago, I had no intention ever of ever being online. I never thought about it. It was only because I burnt out in my job working in mental health because I wasn’t had no boundaries myself get over given all of this stuff, totally burnt out then I went okay now they’re my higher powers asking me to work online and I went from big topics like relationships then codependency and then dating and then this it all just kind of went down down down down and then it was like, “wait a minute it’s pretty simple why don’t I just niche right down to this one topic that a lot of women find confusing and nail that” because this is what I live and breathe all day every day. I could talk about it all day long! No worries at all and then that’s when I landed on the queen of the boundary queens a couple of months ago but I feel to be honest with you, that was motivated by losing my niece.
I lost my niece last year and that was a huge shocking, sudden, unexpected loss and she worked in the online world as well and I could and she was very young. She was only 26 and I could see her struggling trying to do all the things that a lot of women are doing; working too hard, giving too much, all of that stuff. I was watching her doing it. I’m like no the pattern is repeating and I didn’t have the words and then after she passed away, tragically and unexpectedly it was like boom! That you just need to fully step into your full power about just this one thing that is intimately inside out and trust that my gift, that is my gift to give to people who want to hear it.
Yeah there’s a lot of people who have no idea what I’m talking about but they’re not my people right exactly people who want to know about it I have an endless abundance of wisdom and guidance and whatever support to give to them so that it’s been a certainly an unfolding but when I went yeah I’m queen of the boundaries and I was like this whole light just weight just lifted off me and it was no apology. It was just like well I’ve always been the queen of the boundary queens like hello?
Luanne: Exactly! Why? because I didn’t well you said it was only a few months ago and I’m like No I’ve always thought that you would yeah exactly you know I mean?
Natalie: That literally only officially claimed it on Facebook but that’s what I mean. People who knew me kind of knew me like that anyway but for me to put it in words and to put myself out there publicly and say this is what i do. I am the queen of the boundary queens! It was like a big step for me; a really big step and yet everybody looked at me and went, “oh yeah! We knew that!”
Luanne: I remember when I actually was doing the Goddess on Purpose that was my business and I went oh what am I going to label myself? And I went oh I know I’m going to be the chief goddess yes but you’ve not the cheapest of all goddesses! They’re just the chief goddess of fat you know? It’s but it actually helped me step into that more I’m like oh okay this is what I have to be not what I have to make up but who I claim that’s already here.
Luanne: And that and you also brought up the point of that genetic thing. So do you have, are you Australian?
Luanne: So I’m Maori so in New Zealand and I’ve just been discovering this whole epigenetic thing so you’re like another person I’m like oh yeah like breaking that spike yes for my daughter going forward like it stops here so that’s right
Natalie: And that’s what I stand for. That’s what I’m all about the people who come to me are coaches, counsellors, healers, those kinds of people but they know inside that they’re the change maker. It has to stop with them but they don’t know how to do that. They’ve tried all these other things and things feel good for a while but then they just slip back and they don’t actually feel within every cell of their being that they are authentically walking their talk. Like they might be saying to their daughters, “just love yourself and be yourself and be confident” that they don’t feel like that on the inside.
Luanne: Right! Yeah and your same thing but energetically they are in like
Natalie: That’s exactly right yeah!
Luanne: So now what do you believe is your Purpose?
Natalie: I really think in a nutshell, it’s helping women to live unapologetically and to just relax into their natural authentic power and just feel like equals not just to men but to everybody, there’s no more better than less than or “I’m a woman, I can’t do that. I’m a woman, I can’t speak up”. Nothing like just relax just let the natural voice, the natural self come through without any dumbing it down no you know what I mean? Hiding, shrinking on it being unapologetic just show up fully as yourself without trying.
Luanne: I mean I’ve been in business for over 20 years and like this kind of business but I’m like you see the cycles when I first started was like get as big as you can it’s all about the money or it’s not just but you’re gonna make, it’s a six figure seven I’m like oh my goodness! Now we’re becoming more authentic so if you do your purpose work, the abundance comes but there’s got to be the joy there first.
Natalie: Oh it has to be joyful. You can’t fake it. You can’t go oh I’m gonna put myself in this box and this is my Purpose. It’s like this was always the Purpose yes and I couldn’t see it because it was like so close to me I couldn’t see it and I needed other people to reflect it back to me.
Luanne: I know and also the I love what you said like you started out here which we all do and we go oh hey it’s this and it’s like the goddess work and then no it’s that’s just not it and then that’s you’ve come down to that one thing that book the one thing comes to mind and that just must be so brilliant because what it is!
Natalie: I tell you it feels like I’ve won the bloody lottery honestly! I used to look around and see all these other people and they’d have their one thing and they were lying to that and I’m like I want that but I always had it but I couldn’t see it. I was just trying to over complicate everything and probably still have that energy of trying to be a little bit too much for all people and now I’m really clear where on the journey of healing I can help a woman. Because there’s definitely a journey and I feel like I was kind of trying to help people who weren’t ready for me, that doesn’t work and now I’m like no, I’m only here for the women who are ready to do whatever it takes!
No more excuses, no more bs, no more this no more that these women are sick of being victims or feeling like victims. They’re sick of the drama, they’re sick of not having the relationships they want, they’re totally going to own it even if they don’t know how but they’re done.
Luanne: Sort of, and because you’ve put it down to the boundaries but then you can talk about all the other things right?
Natalie: I know! So exactly there’s so much you can say about it!
Luanne: Exactly and so and I want to tell everybody to like to go to your website natalienmurray.com and the link will be down here at the blog. I’ve just been reading some of your blogs! I’m like, wow it’s great! I love it so how… What do you believe is your purpose? How did you answer the call? Because I always like to think well, purpose is lifelong, it’s an experience when we get to different expressions of it but it has to be a time where it’s here. So how did you answer it?
Natalie: Well I remember at the time that I met you which was about five and a half years ago, I went to Rachel James Art of Feminine Presence and I became an art of feminine presence teacher as well and then what happened for me was, that’s when I really understood my power as a woman to completely shift the dynamic of my marriage with my husband because my motivating factor for going to the art of feminine presence was, I was going to leave my husband. I was in pain, I was like, “oh my god how many freaking relationships do i have to have?” I keep blood being with the wrong people. It must be all their fault blah blah blah even though I knew I had all the information up here about that was the wrong thing to do, I still felt that way.
And then over a period of time I realized that energetically I could actually shift the relationship and that was like “wow! I’m way more powerful than I thought I was”. And then I realized that I was actually just repeating my mum and dad’s dynamic in their relationship and I thought., “No I’m not going to go back to therapy, been there done that and try to work this out intellectually” No there has to be another way and then that’s what inspired me to go searching for the female specific tools to help women break this stuff quick easy fast. It’s like, we’ve wasted enough time I think on the planet.
So when I did that for myself and I realized oh I’ve just completely changed the way I feel, changed my reactions, changed my perceptions changed my attitudes, hello? I’ve got to share this with as many people as possible like I have to share so then I went on to set a mission that I was going to set a thousand women’s hearts free in my lifetime so that’s what I’m going to do.
Luanne: Beautiful! I love that and the world is better for them. So why do you think it’s important then to do your Purpose work?
Natalie: Well for me, I really feel… I don’t know, I just got to a point where I could not not do it anymore. I couldn’t. I was so burnt out and I was taking it all out of my husband. It was all his fault that I was so unhappy about all this stuff. I know if I wasn’t feeling like I was living on Purpose, I would be very cranky, very drained, feel like I had no vitality, no life force, no meaning, no Purpose, and that’s I just can’t live like that I’m just not that kind of person who can live like that. I have to have a reason to get up every morning, a reason to be bothered to do anything.
I spent years like most people working in jobs just to get the money at the end of the week and that’s so destroying! Very skull destroying and I just got to the point where I burnt myself out three times just a whole lot of stuff. I’m like, “No I only get to live once. I’m going to take a big risk and I’m just going to follow this and see what happens because I can’t do, I couldn’t do the other thing anymore”. I literally couldn’t do it.
Luanne: Your body was telling you “no no” right? And normally there’s the indicators way before that the body starts.
Natalie: Oh yeah I just ignored all of those. I just ignored all of that because I’m like no this is what you do. You just do your thing everybody else is doing. It just is in the system,
Luanne: This is everybody else is doing it right? So let’s do what they’re doing when you’re such an independent woman to me. It’s like you went hang on, this is not my script
Natalie: I know but the funny thing is after I married my second husband, because my first husband passed away. I married my second husband, I completely unconsciously gave up myself. He didn’t ask me to, I just married him. I stopped my personal development work, I just stayed in this job that I said “oh well if I work in this job for five years then we can pay our mortgage off and then you can retire and then we can do what you want to do.”
It was all about him. I completely lost myself. He didn’t ask me, it was just an unconscious… this is what you do as a woman; you just put yourself to the side. You just play the role of little wifey and that’s what you do and I didn’t even see myself doing it until I burped myself out. I’m like “wow I’m missing life force here” what am I doing? I’m like I did it again yeah I’ve done it again like this is the third or fourth time I’ve done this but I feel like so many women are doing that just like I’m consciously doing what they think other people want them to do without even asking but this is just what you do as a woman.
Luanne: Well yeah but see that kind of goes into my next question. Then because I know it’s like knowing your Purpose is one thing, you know it but then you have to kind of have to do it. So what’s one thing I know there’s many things but what’s one thing that has helped you or you think is important to do when you want to do your Purpose work? Like values or like somebody did values or somebody did shadow we’re like what’s what’s happening that you…
Natalie: Well of course I have to say creatrix which is the feminine specific tool that I use to help women break the cycle. It was created by a woman for the way women’s hearts, minds and guts work so it’s completely unique like nothing else on the planet. So I’ve obviously done my creative breakthrough and I continue to work on myself as I keep working through. If I hadn’t done that, I can’t even really imagine that I would have stepped into this, I really can’t because for me the “I had this little voice inside going” do you think you are those fears of rejection? The fear of judgment? The fear of being criticized? I could intellectualize that and go no don’t be silly, nobody’s judging you, nobody’s going to reject you or intellectualize it and I could have tried to just keep on pushing through and I feel like a lot of women do that and I went, “no I am do not wish to experience this anymore” I do not want to have that experience in the cells of my being that is just an old old energetic pattern so to let that go just like that I’m just like, “okay don’t worry about that anymore it’s so liberating, so liberating” And I mean I’ve done every healing fidelity you could possibly think of in my lifetime and they’re all perfect for what I needed at that point in time but for me, I’m about women breaking the cycle for good so I have to walk that talk myself.
Luanne: So it kind of feels this way and I don’t know what creature this is but I know I’ve heard of it and I’ll definitely talk to you about it and so if you could just kind of tell us a little bit is it more like seeing the patterns and just clearing them but in a special way that you do it? I don’t know or are you yeah?
Natalie: Okay it’s how it is different? It’s different because the woman herself who shows up and says “I’m ready to let go of this” she has to be aware first of all what that is no it’s not like I’m a healer or a counselor or a kid psychologist, no no no usually these people have been going to counselling therapy for a long time. I know I’m angry all the time, I feel guilty as hell when I say no to somebody. I’m still struggling with “I’m not worthy” you know all of this stuff and they have to be honest with themselves about the crap that’s really going on in their head and the crap that they’re feeling on a regular basis no matter how much they try to put a smile over it right? So they’ve got to be humble.
They’ve got to be humble and they’ve got to be hungry for change. So they need to identify that they write it all down. Most people have at least 30, 40 or 50 issues, there’s a lot of them and the difference is that I am not doing anything to them. I am not healing them, giving any advice, nothing. It is coming from deep within themselves. They’re getting this incredible higher wisdom and learning within themselves about how to let go of that issue. I’m just like facilitating it because I know kind of where they need to go but I have no idea what the answers are and that’s why it’s so powerful because there’s no conscious to conscious communication. It’s coming from way way down there and when you can’t argue with yourself right?
And it’s like, oh so someone can go from like, I worked with this lady last week and she had an issue that gave me goosebumps and the issue was I need to keep my mouth shut and in every relationship, she was with the narcissistic man and she had a controlling father and all this stuff. And then she had these sons, little boys who were saying “shut up mum! We’re not listening to you” right? The pattern repeating. She was a well-educated woman with x amount of certificates on the wall but whenever a male said “shut up” she shut up. Right? I can relate to that because that happened in my family too right? So she had to decide that she was fully energetic and physically emotional experience of that at all in her body. She did that in 15 minutes.
So in the beginning she said “oh this issue is a 10 out of 10 of a problem for me” you know? It holds me back, it hurts… it’s this that and the other 15 minutes later, she just laughed to head up about like she just couldn’t even believe she ever even experienced that!
Luanne: I love her
Natalie: And I had no idea how that happened but she did and that’s what makes it so different! It clicks in the brain, in the heart, and in the gut all at once and it’s there for good then and that’s why, that’s how we can guarantee the results are lasting because it’s like they’ve reset themselves on the inside. It’s like “hello you can’t take that back”
Luanne: I love that and that kind of went into my next question, who shared one of your favorite people but just one but was it here? You probably got
Natalie: Oh yeah I can tell you one it’s like Tash.She’d been following me for about 4 years. She’s probably in her late 30s, she had a couple of kids of her own but she was married for the second time now. She had a blended family; the first husband was a drug addict, alcoholic, very nasty relationship. So she marries the second bloke and she’s like “this is it! It’s gonna work” no. A couple of years into it, the marriage was on the rocks! She’s struggling with the step-daughter, she’s struggling with the husband’s ex-wife, she’s still dealing with her family and she came to me and she said now I’ve been following you for 4 years, I’m ready to do creatures. I’m ready. I went “oh okay let’s see” so people have to do a little assessment as well this is just not for everyone so she attempted this assessment and she failed miserably. She failed miserably and what that meant was her unconscious mind was not ready to let go of this story, was not ready to let go of poor me you know? My husband did this and my mother did that she wasn’t really let go.
So, I said “come into the boundary queen course first”. She says, “oh no I know all about boundaries. I’ve been in therapy for 3 years. I’m a kid” okay the queen you haven’t if you know about boundaries, why do you have drama in every single relationship in your life? So she was a well-known business person with 10 years of experience. Everyone thought she had a together yeah it was very humbling for her to come into that.
Natalie: She did and she went, “I know I actually know nothing about boundaries”. She was like what she thought she knew in her head was nothing compared to what she needed to know and who she needed to become, that’s what she didn’t understand. She needed to become a different person in order to have the better boundaries. And then a strange thing happened, she got pregnant in the middle of the boundary conquest unexpectedly to this husband that she was thinking they were going to break up and then she went, “hmm okay” because as soon as she got pregnant, it brought up all of her stuff about how badly her ex had treated her and her issues and all of this and she went “okay I’m done! I’m drawing a line in the sand. I refuse to have another baby and bring another baby into this family intergenerational blended thing carrying all of this crap of mine.” I just refused absolutely refused so then, she was ready then she was ready for creatrix. So she came in there with you 93 sessions she let go of all this anger judgment, resentment, hate her, abandonment stuff, all of this stuff that she’d been holding on to and her dream was she wanted to give birth to that baby in a beautiful home birth, no stress, no nothing and that’s exactly what happened!
She had the baby at home. She said she felt like the most powerful goddess woman you birthing this baby, knowing that there was no baggage going with it, no baggage going with it and then, since then, she’s actually fully healed her relationship with her husband’s ex-wife and now they’re bought bestie besties and she’s like how is this happening? I said because your heart is so open, there’s nothing there anymore that’s all gone and she’s just like, “I’m just I can feel like a completely different person”, now she’s getting on with her step child, her husband and her as close as ever. She’s like “how did all this happen?” I said because you were willing to change your mind. You were willing to heal your heart and you’re willing to actually get it on a really deep level about who you need to be, to have the life that you want.
Luanne: What a beautiful story!
Natalie: She’s so proud of herself! you just completely changed the whole dynamic… your experience for your kids and now they can look at you and go “yeah mum really mum” really is more people to quote talk I can see it, I can feel it.
Luanne: And it just goes on like it goes down right?
Natalie: That’s right! That’s what that was your motivator is “I am not having this baby into more drama, more conflict, more hate, more hurt, more this more that”
Luanne: Wow! And I’m sure even as you’re saying that’s all like peace of mind, you think I’m like “oh damn now I have to talk to that now just with the family and the ex” and all that and that’s just one! So there’s no one thing and as you’re saying all of this, it’s like of course she healed it. It reminded me and I know it’s got nothing to do with upon her upon her forgiveness,
Natalie: Nothing to do with that
Luanne: But it’s like when you do that, that other person changes so I’m like, “hang on! She just changed herself” and then it all just floats. So that’s right! Love it!
Natalie: That’s right
Luanne: Okay, so where can we find you? I know I could talk to you for ages but where can we find you?
Natalie: Well you can find me on my website which is natalieannemurray.com. I’m also mostly on Facebook. I have a business page there, Natalie Anne Murray. I also post on my profile and I have a free masterclass on my website that anyone can go and watch which is a video masterclass called “Five Reasons Why It’s Hard to Stick to Your Boundaries and Tips to Help You Get Better At It”.
Anybody can watch that and from there if someone then wants to do a quiz to find out exactly how healthy their boundaries are at this moment in time, what’s missing, where the gaps are, what needs work, they can opt in to get that if they want to.
Luanne: Yeah I’m definitely going to go and do that quiz. Hang on let’s see! Let’s see what’s going on here
Natalie: So it’s a little quiz and then the boundary queen course, we like take it 10 times more than that
Luanne: Yeah i love that! And so, we’re coming to the end but I would love to… this is kind of a question that some people know why would you ask this question? But I would love you to tell us something about yourself nobody knows and then some people like, “well everybody knows everything” well maybe not but like a job or a habit or just anything. It can be humorous, it can be serious, whatever. So tell us!
Natalie: Most people don’t know that when I was at university, I was doing a nursing degree and I was in the army. I was in the army to pay my way through and when and I’m not a good army person. I can tell you but anyway I was in the army and when we did our army reserves training, I won the award for the Most Persistent Soldier because I had so many challenges and I just kept on going, kept on going so people know me as a bit of a dog with a bone but that’s, I’m like I won that over all the men, over all the women I won that! So yeah I’m a soldier in my past.
Luanne: I love that Natalie! So thank you so much for being here and sharing all that wisdom. You can find her at natalieannemurray.com and go do the quiz and your webinar and all that and I just want to thank you for Answering the Call of Your Purpose and being here! So, anything to say before you leave us?
Natalie: Oh well thank you so much Luanne because you were a very big part in helping me to clarify my Purpose when I first did the art of feminine presence. You took my hand analysis and I remember it said, my part of my Purpose was to be a leader of visionary, power, something else and I went “oh no that’s not me” exactly that’s not me. Totally you right? I don’t know…
Luanne: Exactly sneaky look before I got on a win. That’s why she’s a depower like I love that! That’s feminine, beautiful!
Natalie: And my issues to my lifetime lessons were victimization, shame and numbing. I can’t see how that’s going
Luanne: You know what? That’s the same finger on both hands. So one’s your Purpose, one’s your lesson both power fingers.
Natalie: Oh my god! See?
Luanne: One’s out in the world power which is your Purpose, the other one’s internal power!
Natalie: Well that’s why I’ll line up. I feel like I line up, thank you!
Luanne: So thank you Natalie and bye everyone! We’ll see you in the next podcast!
Natalie: Bye, thank you!